When does it count? If you ask for help, does it count? If you aren’t perfect, does it count? Do you have that little voice in your head that says, “If you ask for help, then it means that you aren’t good enough?” That voice may not use those exact words, but there’s someplace inside of you that recognized what I just said.
If you have that voice that says you must do things yourself, you likely cannot delegate to others because that would mean that who you are isn’t good enough. It’s quite a cycle. You want help because you are feeling overwhelmed, but every time you think about asking for help you think it’s easier to just do it yourself, so you don’t ask for help, but resent others because they aren’t pulling their weight. And, then there’s also that sneaky voice that tells you that it doesn’t really count if you don’t do it yourself. This cycle leads to feeling frustrated and you don’t quite know how to change things.
The shift begins when you, yourself, begin counting things. Start acknowledging the small actions that you take and let yourself feel a sense of success and completion. For those of us who don’t count our accomplishments it feels somewhat foreign to feel success, we simply move on to the next thing.
You know that you are the first one to offer help to others and yet you resist asking anyone to help you. In addition, you likely spend time feeling like you haven’t done enough, that unless you do the whole, big thing that it doesn’t count. It’s part of that old, old pattern of needing to prove that you, in fact, are good enough. This week practice counting the small steps. This week practice recognizing when you have fallen into the “not good enough” pattern and have a good laugh at how often it comes up. Please don’t use this as an opportunity to berate yourself – have fun with it. It’s quite the eye-opening experience!