Before we went to Tuscany I saw a picture of thermal springs in Saturnia and wanted to go. It was the one thing I had to do for the trip to be a success. On one of our days of travel we made a loop to the coast and then to Saturnia for the thermal springs. When we got there I couldn’t make myself go into the springs. It was as beautiful as the pictures and it did smell like rotten eggs because it was a sulphur springs, which I knew going into it.
I sat there for about half an hour trying to figure out why I didn’t want to go in. I went through the whole gamut of reasons – I didn’t want to have to do laundry when we got back to the apartment because I never could have packed those sulphurish clothes in my suitcase, to I didn’t want to go in by myself because it wouldn’t be fun, to what in the world is the matter with me – we drove here specifically for this experience and I was balking. I journaled about it, then went and waded in one of the shallow pools and got clear that I really didn’t want to soak in the springs that day. I got OK about it and we drove back to our apartment in time for the sunset.
The reason I am writing about this experience is because I could have spent a really long time berating myself for not going into the springs – even now! However, I let myself off the hook and trusted my instincts about not going into the springs that day. It was beautiful and I am glad that I saw it. I am also at peace about not going into the water that particular day.
How often do you spend hours, days, months, or even years berating yourself because you did or did not do something? How often do you continue the story of your perceived failing long after the event has occurred? How often do you trust your own instincts and let yourself off the hook when things don’t occur the way you had imagined they would?
My suggestion is that you practice being gentle with yourself. Practice noticing when you have judged yourself. Once you notice that judgment you are in a position to let it go. How do you imagine it might be if you were on your own side?
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