If you have fallen off the resolution wagon, not to worry. I have heard many reasons why – it’s been really cold and I couldn’t get out to do X. I’ve been down with that nasty bug that’s been going around. And, while those things are true, they aren’t the reason that your resolutions have lost traction. The reason that most resolutions don’t hold is because they are grounded in “shoulds.”
If you’ve been reading the blog for awhile you know that “shoulds” are always attached to a judgment. And, from that space your natural inclination is to resist. Resistance often leads to self-sabotage, feeling bad about yourself because you just can’t seem to follow through, push-back, etc.
So, here’s the idea for a new start. This week-end sit down with pen and paper or your computer and write about what you really want in this new year. When you start writing about something that you “should” want, cross it out and start again.
Our minds are tricky. We have been saying that we want to do or stop doing certain things for years. And the reason we haven’t succeeded is because we put those items on our list because we thought we should. We may even want the stated outcome, however when we have a strong “should” about doing so, we will quietly fight back.
What do you really want this year? If you let yourself dream without judgment and editing what might be on your list? I’m willing to bet that it will take several do-overs as you begin to recognize your “shoulds.” Have fun with this process as your set your clear intentions for this new year.
I avoid resolutions like the plague….but I love this idea of intentions with no should attached. Assignment accepted!!
I’m also doing the assignment and setting my own intentions without shoulds for the year.
Hi Cindy. I left the ‘shoulds’ behind a long time ago. Since we have seen each other last, I have lost 23 pounds and still going at it. What was the change that worked? Mindfulness and eliminating sugar and flour, with permission to fall off the wagon once a week. Besides taking out ‘shoulds’ may I suggest to also remove ‘never’ from our vocabulary. It is working here. Happy new year and all the best to you!
That’s terrific! I love the idea of giving yourself permission to fall of the wagon once a week. It eliminates the resistance that “should” and “never” create. I’m delighted that you have discovered a path that works for you.
At the top of my list for “intentions” this year is practicing a less judgmental attitude. In my mind this focused on “others” but I realize it is important to put myself on that list as well. In fact, I would like you to send me a previous blog you posted about “judgment” some time ago. Thanks for your insight and encouragement, Cindy.
I love your aha! We often spend more time judging ourselves than we do judging others. I have written many blogs about judgment so I’m not sure which one you are referring to. If you go to the blog tab on the website and type in “judgment” in the search section you will pull up lots of different blogs that are about judgments. Happy searching!