Tuesday I was at my Uncle Bob’s funeral. As I left the luncheon I spoke briefly with my cousin, Bill. He said that when he spoke at the service he had forgotten to say one thing that his dad had always said to him, “It doesn’t cost anything to be kind to someone.” As we were driving home I realized that I wanted to share that thought with you as it aligns with many things I have written in the past.
There is a great deal of wisdom, truth, and power in that statement. Small kindnesses can mean the world to someone. They can change everything and it doesn’t cost you a penny. During the time with my family on Tuesday we told many stories from our childhood, centering around my uncle and my dad. They both have had an enormous impact on young people. Both were teachers and both were focused on helping children feel good about themselves.
My dad still has former students and athletes stop in to see him and thank him for the many kindnesses he showed them (for some of them it has been 50 years ago). An aside – we were talking with two of his former basketball players at the funeral and my dad crossed his arms over his chest as we stood there. His players both laughed and said, “Oh no, I remember that look.” It usually meant that there was some play they hadn’t executed as diagrammed. This story doesn’t quite fit with “kindness” stories, but it was really funny seeing them both react the same way. And, even though they remember “the look” they even more remember how he contributed to shaping them as young men.
As you can imagine, growing up in Northern Wisconsin, there were many fishing experiences – year round. When we were little we would go ice fishing. My dad and uncle would bring shovels and clear space on the ice for us to skate. They would auger holes in the ice, put in the tip-ups and build a fire for us to keep warm and to roast marshmallows and hot dogs as we waited for a fish to bite. When the flag popped up, we would all shout “tip-up” and run to the hole to catch our fish. I do not ever remember my dad or my uncle pulling up a fish. They always let us have the fun. Good memories and many kindnesses.
At the funeral my cousin talked about the empty lot next to their house and how it was always filled with kids playing softball. Uncle Bob was often part of the group and he made sure every child hit the ball and got to run the bases. He was always about creating a positive experience for children. This is an example of a kindness that could help a child have fun and feel part of the group, even if they were the littlest one or not particularly adept at softball.
As we are right in the middle of holiday season I have been thinking about traditions along with kindnesses. I think it has been magnified by spending time with my family, including cousins that I only see rarely any more. My cousin, Patty, shared with me that she puts the angel on her tree every year that came with a PJ set I gave her when she was pregnant with her now 18 year old daughter. My mom died that year and had always given Patty PJ’s for Christmas, so I continued the tradition that year. I never knew how much that gift had meant to her and that it is now part of her tradition.
The picture at the top of this post is the nickel my dad sent me this Spring. Every year since I was a child whoever drew a picture of the first robin and sent it to originally my grandparents and then to my dad, got a nickel. No, there is no increase for inflation. But the point is that I still look for the first robin and still draw a picture and send it to my dad. If you click here it will take you to the blog I wrote about that tradition, along with the picture I drew this year. When I posted this picture I had to laugh at how perfect it was. I had forgotten that it was on a fishing note!
Thank you for letting me share some of my family with you. What traditions do you have in your family? What kindnesses have affected you? What kindnesses have you shown others? Count them, even the small ones, they make a difference and as Uncle Bob said, “It doesn’t cost anything to be kind to someone.”
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